This is by no means a complete list, but I thought it would be helpful for new or future parents to work up a list of things definitely not to do in your parenting lest you irreparably harm your precious offspring. They are delicate flowers. They definitely cannot thrive under ANY of these 52 harmful parenting choices, so I would strongly urge you – if you do any of these things to your kids, you should immediately start a therapy fund for when your kids get older. They will need it!

Parenting is serious business, folks. This is our future – IN YOUR HANDS. Please read this list carefully and do your own research.

Again, this is by no means a complete list. If you can think of any more, please add in the comments.

  1. Don’t take your folic acid before getting pregnant
  2. Drink while pregnant
  3. Smoke while pregnant
  4. Experience stress while pregnant
  5. Don’t take your prenatal vitamins
  6. Take the wrong inorganic prenatal vitamins
  7. Gain too much weight while pregnant
  8. Don’t gain enough weight while pregnant
  9. Eat fish during pregnancy
  10. Eat lunchmeat during pregnancy
  11. Fail to get adequate protein during pregnancy
  12. Get ultrasounds
  13. Don’t get ultrasounds
  14. Get the flu shot while pregnant
  15. Don’t get the flu shot
  16. Be under the care of an OB/GYN while pregnant
  17. Be under the care of a midwife
  18. Get induced
  19. Refuse induction and go postdates
  20. Get an epidural
  21. Have a c-section
  22. Not enough skin-to-skin
  23. Fail at breastfeeding
  24. Get him circumsized
  25. Don’t get him circumsized.
  26. Bottle feed
  27. Pump milk and bottle feed
  28. Stop breastfeeding before 1 year
  29. Keep breastfeeding past 2 years
  30. Forward face their carseat – EVER
  31. Show them a television screen – at any point for any reason
  32. Shelter them from the outside world by not allowing TV
  33. Put them in daycare
  34. Get a nanny
  35. Leave them with babysitters
  36. Sleep train
  37. Don’t sleep train
  38. Co-sleep
  39. Not co-sleeping
  40. Vaccinate
  41. Don’t vaccinate
  42. Feed candy – ever
  43. Deny them the joy of candy
  44. Spank them
  45. Neglect their discipline
  46. Helicopter them
  47. Don’t pay enough attention to them
  48. Send them to public school
  49. Homeschool them
  50. Send them to a snooty private school
  51. Overschedule them
  52. Neglect to foster their hobbies and interests by not registering them for soccer, piano, tae kwon do, tuba lessons, tap-jazz-ballet classes, acting lessons and advanced math tutoring – by age 4.